what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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