It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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