I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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