Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
