i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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