So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
