forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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