there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
