if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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