There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
