I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
