Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
