FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
