I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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