She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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