Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm too high and old for this...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
