True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
