i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
