So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
