God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
