I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
