guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
