Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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