She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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