Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
