So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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