the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
