i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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