Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
