I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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