I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
