i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I deserve this hangover.
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