Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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