508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
