Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize