you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
