After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
