i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
