he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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