so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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