Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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