I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
