And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
