I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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