Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
