My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
