I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
