He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
