That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
