Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
