I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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