i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
