we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
