Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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