And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
