I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
