I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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