Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
