Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
