I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
