We named our party play list daddy issues
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
