My underwear smells like fireworks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
