dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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