my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
