Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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