She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
