your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
