you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
