Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
