they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
