I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
