theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize